Enough with the pessimism. Bitcoin is down 80% from all time highs, we get it. So what? It has happened so many times before, and will happen again. You can’t have outsized returns without outsized volatility. We’re still on track for $1,000,000 by 2022, as I predicted in mid-2018, and here are the reasons for it.

1. The AntMiner 15 is out, baby!

This means that over-indebted miners just got a new lease on life, and will be able to give some more hopium to their investors. Even at $3,500, it makes sense to mine Bitcoin, as long as you can get some cheap electricity around 3-4 cents per kW/h, and another round of financing - it’s not like these new AntMiners will buy themselves! Miners not forced to liquidate their Bitcoin holdings by rekt investors: huge bonus point for Bitcoin!

2. Grandma lost her keys

Let’s face it, all the people who FOMOed into crypto late 2017 were complete noobs. Half got their coins stolen because they left them on Coinbase and their password was “moonlambo” and their accounts got hacked, while the other half lost their keys and will never, ever be able to sell. That’s a whole new army of HODLers. Chances are, they’ll keep checking the Bitcoin price out of spite, and when it goes back up, they’ll buy again, because they don’t want to NOT throw good money after bad. Huge bonus point for Bitcoin!

3. A new use case for Bitcoin is around the corner

2018 was a great year for Bitcoin, because it proved that Bitcoin is neither money (because the network can’t process more than a few transactions per second without going bonkers), nor a store of value. Now, these so-called “economists” (looking at you, Nouriel Roubini) will no longer be able to criticise Bitcoin, because they no longer understand what it is, like the rest of us. Even better, now that nobody has any clue of what Bitcoin is, the scene is set for a new use case to emerge, and create a new movement of adopters. If it’s not digital gold, maybe it’s digital Viagra? Who knows! “Always keep them guessing”, used to say Satoshi Nakamoto - we’re back to his original vision.

4. Most ICO proceeds are about to get frozen

The SEC has been looking into ICOs for a while, and is about to bring the hammer down hard on all the scammers. This means that their assets are about to get frozen for years to come, and litigations will certainly be extremely lengthy and complex. This also means that these ICOs will finally stop to sell their Bitcoins to finance their activity, and put a floor on Bitcoin’s price. Once again, bonus point for Bitcoin!

5. Ethereum will lose all support from miners

As everyone knows, the real masters of crypto are miners. They make the big bucks, they receive all proceeds from Bitcoin purchases, they pay for the army of Twitter shills and bots, along with the fake news websites and real-world ads. By switching to Proof-of-Stake, Ethereum will cut its own dick off, and lose the support of big boys. Vitalik Buterin probably ended up believing his own crap about how decentralisation works and how it’s fairer and better for everyone. What an absolute moron. Well, thanks to him, when Ethereum flips, Bitcoin will shine as the go-to coin for the mining mafia, who will make sure that it takes over the fucking no-profit charity that Ethereum will inevitably become. Bonus point again!

6. “Bitcoin about to get adopted by Amazon” news can keep coming up

You know what’s great about Bitcoin NOT being used for anything? It’s that you can endlessly churn out rumours about it maybe being adopted by some huge company, enticing everyone to FOMO in! It just makes sense - if Amazon did indeed accept Bitcoin as means of payment, you could no longer pop its price up by claiming that Amazon is about to accept it. It just makes sense, right? Bonus point!

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  1. You’re hilarious man. Keep these coming. You have to be the smartest troll out there. And you write so well!

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