With Bitcoin crashing and burning and margin traders getting liquidated, it’s important to relax, and have a good laugh. You’ll get over it, like millions of degenerate gamblers got over it in centuries prior (minus those who jumped out the window), and like billions of degenerate gamblers will get over it in the future.

With time, you’ll learn from your mistakes, pay back all your gambling trading debts, find an honest job, a compassionate wife, and be happy. But now, to help you cope, allow me to try and cheer you up. You might already have watched my Hitler Discovers He Can’t Cash Out video (which top ticked the market perfectly, proving that I’m a genius). Please treat yourself with the following investing dictionary, written with the tears and blood of previous wannabe investors.

Momentum trading: the fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value investing: the fine art of buying low, and selling lower.

Chart analyst: the idiot who told you to buy XRP at $3.

Buy the dip: the thing you usually never do, except that one last time.

Bull market: a random market movement upwards that causes thousands of HODLers to feel like financial geniuses.

Bear market: a 12 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

Market correction: the day after you buy Bitcoin on Coinbase.

Institutional investor: the guy who loaded up on Bitcoin at $41,000 and who’s now locked up in a nut house.

Profit: religious HODLer who prays to Satoshi Nakamoto before bedtime.

HODLer: someone who lost his wallet’s password.

Margin trading: the 5-minute period when you believe that you can make a fortune on BitMex.

Decentralised exchange: a no-strings-attached relationship.

Paid Telegram channel: to run one is the only way to make money trading crypto.

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